Coronary Life


YOU CAN’T DO CPR ON A DEAD SITUATION

Cledus at the kitchen table
Short of breath, legally disabled
Wife walks in, she's so surprised
Can't believe I'm still alive
I say I'm hungry for biscuits and gravy
That patty melt that you always made me
But I can't eat that anymore

They say grease kills, tastes good to me
Day in, day out, it's all I eat
My third bypass, unclogged the valves
Just to clog them again
Never felt worse, a constant thirst
Lordy how my left arm hurts
I blame my job, I blame my wife
For this coronary life

Cledus on the ER table
Vital signs ain't too stable
"Hey, Doc, I'm proud of you
I didn't think that I'd pull through"
Later in Intensive Care
I had the nurses laughing there
So thankful Blue Cross will pay

For the bills, my IVs
Four thousand dollar, EKGs
That's the last time I need
Angioplasty
It's off I go to Tye-Bo
To improve my cardio
It's about time I said goodbye
To my coronary life

Sweat's pouring off me at the health spa
The Stairmaster's wore me out again
You know I can't believe how much I miss
The way I used to live

I'd eat red meat, pickled pigs' feet
Always craving something sweet
My food was fast but that's the past
I can't eat fat again
Aerobicize, reduced my thighs
No more German chocolate pie
I miss my fudge, I miss my fries
And my coronary life

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3 Comments

December 31, 2014 · 7:20 pm

3 responses to “Coronary Life

  1. You have just described the average American. Well said.

    Like

  2. Sometimes comedy hits the spot! This is great!

    Like

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